


crush

by schittyfic (sixtysevenlmpala)



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: 2020 US Presidential Election, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dan is thirsty for Steve Kornacki, Dildos, Dirty Talk, Humor, I'm so sorry for this but also not sorry at all, Imagined Threesome, M/M, Noah is extremely supportive of Dan's fantasies, Objectification of Steve Kornacki, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sexual Fantasy, Teasing, They're together in this no cheating or significant others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtysevenlmpala/pseuds/schittyfic
Summary: “I’m just staying informed!”Noah snorts and throws himself onto the bed with Dan, glancing at the thread of Kornacki clips on the screen. “Hm. They called it, though. You need to be informed on the... outdated stats from three days ago?”Dan shrugs a couple of times and opens his mouth wordlessly, like a cute little fish, and Noah can’t help but laugh. He slides a hand up Dan’s thigh and grazes lightly over the crotch of his sweatpants, not at all surprised to find his dick a little chubbed up beneath the thin fabric.“Sure it’s not something to do with this?”Or: Dan has a huge crush on Steve Kornacki. When he finally admits to it, he and Noah have... some fun with that.
Relationships: Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 16
Kudos: 62





	crush

**Author's Note:**

> Dan's 'marry me' tweet sent me down this entire rabbit hole and now this exists. Also, I may or may not be projecting my own crush on Steve Kornacki.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not from the US and I actually only found out who this man is in the last, like, week or so. If anything is glaringly off, please tell me! He's not an actual character, though; he's really only here to be used for these two boys' fantasies.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Noah doesn’t really tease Dan for it in the days before the results come in. Sure, he can’t resist a sarcastic remark when Dan has the _nerve_ to tweet ‘Marry me’ under a video of his newfound love interest, but all in all, things are just too tense. Dan is so passionate and so focused and so strung-up on the election that Noah can’t bring himself to rib him for anything. He’s there for him with late-night cocoa, soothing words to Dan’s indignant anger as he refreshes Twitter, hushed urges to come to bed when he’s still staring at the coverage into the dawn.

After the announcement, though; after the teary-eyed, disbelieving celebrations and the relief washing over them, after he watches the weeks-old tension finally seep out of Dan’s body - well, then it’s all fair game.

Because Dan has an honest-to-God, full-blown, teenage schoolboy fucking crush on Steve Kornacki.

*

“Oh, wow, I’m sorry, have I interrupted something?”

Noah’s voice is exaggeratedly concerned, and he relishes how Dan jumps and turns around from his laptop screen like he’s been caught doing something naughty - rather than scrolling the #TrackingKornacki hashtag. He’s got that sheepish look, like he’d be blushing bright pink if his complexion would allow. “I’m just staying informed!”

Noah snorts and throws himself onto the bed with Dan, glancing at the thread of Kornacki clips on the screen. “Hm. They called it, though. You need to be informed on the... outdated stats from three days ago?”

Dan shrugs a couple of times and opens his mouth wordlessly, like a cute little fish, and Noah can’t help but laugh. He slides a hand up Dan’s thigh and grazes lightly over the crotch of his sweatpants, not at all surprised to find his dick a little chubbed up beneath the thin fabric.

“Sure it’s not something to do with this?”

Dan swallows. “Um. Is it weird if it is?”

Noah presses a grin into his neck, scraping his teeth against the warm skin. “Well, it’s not _too_ weird.”

Dan makes a soft noise and tips his head back, giving Noah’s mouth more room to work, and Noah dances teasing fingertips over the outline of his dick, feeling it throb and swell up a little more in response.

“You sure like a numbers guy, huh? First you write Patrick for yourself, now it’s Steve. Should I be worried? Do I need to take a course or something?”

Dan rolls his eyes and laughs, mumbling a weak, “Maybe I’ll just get you some khakis,” before he pulls Noah into a deep kiss. Noah goes with it for a minute or two, Dan hungrily biting and plunging his tongue into Noah’s mouth - it’s the way he kisses when he’s already turned on and impatient for more, and he’d be somewhat offended that it wasn’t entirely him who got him there if it wasn’t so fucking hot. When Noah forces himself to pull back, he quickly moves down Dan’s body, tugging his sweatpants down smoothly and wrapping a dry hand around his cock. Dan’s still getting hard and he’s sensitive, squirming from the friction, but Noah knows him well enough to know he likes it. 

“Tell me,” Noah murmurs, and Dan gives a confused, questioning noise. His eyes are dark and hot and he’s already short of breath, transfixed by Noah’s hand maddeningly slow on his dick, and Noah’s cocky smirk between his legs. “Tell me what you like about him.”

A flicker of uncertainty wriggles across Dan’s face, and Noah offers him a soft, warm smile - _it’s okay_. It’s taken a while for Dan to get used to opening himself up like this, to believe that he won’t be teased or dropped the second he reveals a slight quirk. Noah watched his self-assured confidence growing with the steady success of the last few seasons of the show; Dan knows now how capable he is, how much value his work holds, and it’s beautiful to see him conduct himself with pride. But away from sets and writers’ rooms - here, in the bedroom (or wherever they find themselves, really), it’s a little different. Noah’s still chipping away at him, one night at a time. 

“Well, he - he does those calculations in his _head!_ It’s incredible!” Dan offers, sounding a little defensive.

“Mm-hmm.” Noah throws him something deliberately silly. "Guy's got insane stamina, too. He can go all night."

Dan barks out a laugh, loud and relaxed. "I mean - _yes_."

Noah waits, then, smiling at him, urging him silently to go on.

“I just - I like how intelligent he is. And I like how passionate he is. Like, he gets so excited, and it makes you excited to watch him - _ah_ ,” Dan whines suddenly, because Noah took the opportunity of his closed eyes (a little defense mechanism Noah lets him hold onto, sometimes) to slick his fingers up and slide one smoothly inside of him. “Fuck. Noah.”

Noah deliberately rubs at all the best spots, knows him well enough to make him quiver and shake from the sensitivity even when the stretch is far from enough for him. “Go on, keep going.”

“He’s - he’s so put together. He’s like, _ah_ , all neat and tidy. Like he’s always in control. I - I like that.”

Noah hums in approval. He knows Dan likes that. “Does he turn you on? D’you think about him when you get off?”

It’s something of a long shot, because Noah doesn’t actually know how deep this thing goes - he knows Dan’s obsessed with the guy, but this might be a step too far. It’s obviously _not_ , though, because Dan whimpers and covers Noah’s hand with his own around his dick, trying to squeeze tighter than the teasing touches Noah’s giving him. 

“Nuh-uh.” Noah removes Dan’s hand, pressing his wrist firmly into the mattress. Dan leaves it there, but begrudgingly curls his fingers into the sheets. He’s so good. “Answer.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Dan hisses out, turning his embarrassment into the pillow as Noah rewards him for the confession with another finger. He spreads them a little just to see how his pretty hole stretches around them, before starting to fuck him with a steady rhythm, drawing almost all the way out each time before sinking back in. He can’t help admiring the way Dan’s body grips onto his fingers on the outstroke, like he _needs_ it and can’t bear to let it go. He’s so hard now, his cock flushed and standing straight up, and Noah actually doesn’t know whether it’s because of his hands or because of Steve.

“What d’you think about?”

Dan moans softly, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and burying his face even further into the pillow, a slight flush blooming beneath the dark, thick hair on his chest. Noah leans down to press a line of gentle kisses along the crease of his thigh - reassuring, grounding, letting him know he’s safe.

“You like him being in control. What, you want him to whisper stats in your ear while he ties you down and does whatever he wants with you?” Noah’s tone is playful and teasing, laughter laced beneath the words, but he lets it settle seriously enough that Dan knows he’s not mocking him. Dan could say anything, admit to any number of insane fantasies, and Noah would be right there with him. He really hopes he knows that.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Dan mutters - it’s his ‘you’re being ridiculous’ voice, but the breathiness betrays him. Noah’s fucking him in earnest with his two fingers - his hips lift off the bed as he tries to chase it, grind down on Noah’s fingers and fuck up into his hand all at once. “I mean - I wouldn’t say _no_ ,” Dan says with a short laugh and a quirk of his eyebrows, and Noah grins, something in his chest absolutely blooming at the sight of Dan letting himself own this and _laugh_ , without needing to take himself too seriously or put across an infallible image.

“Hmm.” Noah squeezes Dan’s cock, just once, as tight as he wants it before gently toying with him again, and Dan makes the most gorgeous, desperate noise. “Wouldn’t say no - but that’s not quite it, huh.” Noah thinks for a moment, infuriatingly casual while Dan’s squirming and panting and whining under his hands. “ _Oh_. Maybe you like him being so put together ‘cause you wanna _mess him up_.”

Dan throws an arm over his face and _moans_ , low and needy and his cock twitches in Noah’s hand and oh _yeah_ , Noah’s nailed it. 

“Bet you wanna get him all dirty, don’t you? Get him so turned on he can’t even string a sentence together. Wanna see him lose all that control.”

“Fuck, oh my god, I - yeah, _yeah_ ,” Dan breathes out, practically melting into the mattress as he gives himself over to the fantasy, and Noah presses his fingers firmly into his prostate, rubbing his thumb over the head of his cock and relishing his gasp. “I wanna - fuck, I just wanna see him lose it. Make him lose it.”

“ _There_ it is. You’re so good, Dan, so good for telling me.”

Noah can’t stop grinning - part smug victory that he’d got Dan to admit to it, part plain old giddiness at seeing him like this; free, open, gorgeous. He loves that they’re secure enough in what they have to talk like this, to share in each other’s fantasies without a hint of jealousy or hurt; that they can have fun with it. He takes his hand from Dan’s cock, ignoring the petulant cursing, but keeps his fingers inside, thumb stroking at his taint as Noah manages to lean and grab something from the box under the bed.

Dan’s eyes widen as he brings it out triumphantly - a thick, clear silicone dildo, one of the more realistic ones they had with its defined veins and prominent head. It’s about the same size as Dan, a little bigger than Noah, and Dan looks like his mouth is watering - which is good, because that fits in perfectly with Noah’s plan.

“What if he was here? What if he was so hard from watching you take my fingers and all he wants is your mouth on his cock?” Phrasing it like a question is deliberate - Noah meets Dan’s eyes and he waits, watching patiently for any indication he’s pushed this too far. It’s not like they haven’t played with the idea of a nameless stranger, an extra body to toy around with in their fantasies, but they’ve never assigned an identity to that third person, especially not someone who actually exists.

But Dan nods vigorously, his eyes already glassy and half-lidded and fixed on the toy, and he licks his lips like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. “Yes - fuck - yes. I want it.”

Dan’s mouth drops open as Noah drags the head of the toy over his slick bottom lip - his tongue peeks out and curls around it, and Noah has to swallow a moan of his own. “Oh, that’s it. He’s been working _so_ hard, babe. Make him feel good.”

And that does it - Dan’s eyes flutter closed, dark eyelashes fanned out blissfully on his cheek as he cranes his neck to take the toy into his mouth, Noah feeding it to him bit by bit and staring as Dan hollows his cheeks. The way he’s leaning over Dan buries his fingers deeper inside of him, and he can feel the way Dan’s body squeezes needily at them each time the dildo pushes into his mouth.

“Yeah, that’s good, you look so good sucking his cock,” Noah bites out, his own cock straining at his shorts but this isn’t about him. “He’s gotta loosen his tie ‘cause you’ve got him so hot.”

A chuckle bubbles up in Dan’s chest and filters into a garbled moan as he doubles down on his efforts, slurping messily at the toy as Noah thrusts it into his mouth. Dan’s sucking like a goddamn pro, his head bobbing further and further until Noah can tell the toy’s hitting the back of his throat, watches his throat working as he swallows around it - like he’s trying to impress, doing the absolute most. Spit dribbles down the toy and onto Dan’s chest but he doesn’t seem to register it, and Noah keeps up the rhythm, pairing the thrusts of his fingers with Dan's movements on the dildo. He knows he’s good at keeping time - he just wishes he had a third hand to touch Dan’s cock.

“Touch yourself,” he grunts, and Dan moans again, muffled around the toy, grabbing desperately at his angry-red cock and tugging at it. “Yeah, atta boy, that’s so fucking pretty. Steve’s so hard from watching you like this - he’s got all that pent-up energy and he wants to fuck your mouth with it, he can’t wait to come down your fucking throat.”

Dan gasps as he pulls off for a moment, his hand flying on his cock, the filthy-slick sound of his fist filling the hot air between them. “Please - give it to me, I want him to,” and Noah obliges, burying the toy into Dan’s mouth and watching him choke and struggle to take it, and then he’s fucking his mouth with it all rough and fast like his fingers are fucking his ass and Jesus _Christ_ , Noah didn’t expect to be so into this.

“Yeah, you're gonna make him come, baby, you wanna swallow it all?”

Dan whimpers and moans and nods desperately and he comes. It’s sudden and intense, his body curling into itself and shuddering through what seems like a thousand electric shocks, painting his chest and stomach with streaks of white - and Noah tries to withdraw the dildo from his mouth, give him space to breathe, but he grabs it and pulls it back in like he’s starved, like all he wants is to come with a mouth full of cock.

“Jesus - Dan...”

“Fuck me,” Dan breathes out, boneless and still mouthing at the toy as he glances at Noah’s tented shorts.

“Who, me? Or Steve?” Noah laughs, and Dan rolls his eyes and pointedly draws his knees up to his chest, spreading his thighs invitingly. The laughter dies on Noah’s lips as he stares dumbly at his puffy, slick hole, just waiting for him. God, Noah can’t refuse. He never can.

Fumbling, he shoves down his shorts and buries himself to the hilt in one thrust, Dan crying out as he falls into a quick, urgent rhythm. “God - yes - fuck me, fuck me, Noah, fuck me.”

“Yeah - give him a show, sweetheart. Show him how much you love this,” Noah pants, blanketing his body over Dan’s and pressing their foreheads together so he’s panting against Dan’s swollen lips. The toy is easily discarded, both of Dan’s hands free to grab and scratch at his back. “Fuck - oh _fuck_ \- show him how good you are for me, taking my cock so pretty, just spread your legs for me and let me slide on in.”

“Yeah,” Dan breathes, soft whimpers punching out of him with each slap of Noah’s hips against his ass. “Just for you, though. He can watch but he can’t - he can’t fuck me. That’s just for you.”

“Damn - fucking - right,” Noah punctuates each word with a _slam_ of his hips, “Daniel - he wants to f-fuck you so goddamn bad but he can’t ‘cause this ass is all - _mine_.”

Noah bites down hard on Dan’s shoulder as he comes inside him, gasping for breath and losing all sense of anything other than Dan’s ass squeezing so perfectly around him. Dan holds him, pets at his curls, kisses his face sloppily as he comes back to Earth. Dan smiles, happy and sated and so beautiful Noah wonders if he’s real.

“That’s it,” Dan says. “I don’t care about anything else anymore. _That_ was the best outcome of this entire fucking election.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, uh... whatever this was! Please do leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed, I love hearing from you guys. <3


End file.
